Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
