Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
