im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
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