And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
