I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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