I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
