If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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