dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I wish you could order shots online.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
