I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
