need another drink. this is the easiest way
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
