i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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