Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
