I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
