The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
