I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
