I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
