Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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