First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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