What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
