I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
