her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
