i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
