I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
