She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
