In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
