she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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