I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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