I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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