Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Less talking, more tequila
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
