so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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