I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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