I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
