rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
