I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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