I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
