Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
she pinky promised me she was 18
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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