go do what you do best...puke behind churches
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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