Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
