I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
