hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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