He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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