just come out here and I will go home with you...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
