I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
