question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
