beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
