bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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