girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
