I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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