if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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