u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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