real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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