he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
