Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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